Call it what you will!
Sometimes you do not know where you're headed. Everything ' seems to be spiralling out of control and you tend to l lose the thread of reason and logic. It appears as if there would be no tomorrow and all has been hopelessly lost. Nothing makes sense, you want to go one way but you end _ up somewhere least expected. You try your best to hold on to reality and to your wits, but it professes to be a losing battle.
One day you wake and feel that, "today is the day on which I shall definitely make a head or tail of this mess called life!" You set out, once again, enthusiastically on your philosophic and intellectual road to self-realisation. You rake your mind to collect all the scattered leaves of thoughts; you assemble them in a heap in front of yourself and start anew on your ponderings. The first hurdle in your way is to establish whether you're headed in the right direction or not. This makes you question almost all your past deeds. Which, put under the scrutiny of self-righteous intellect, lose their prior or rather apparent piety. You think that maybe you were not as noble as you thought you were in helping that old man: the point under consideration being that you did it with an ulterior motive in your mind; namely salvation. Thus this pious and selfless act of pure humility loses its altruist lustre and becomes a mocking deed of selfishness.
On further exploration you find out that all the really cool things that you did for your friends (so called friends, because they presumably also had the same motives as you) were not exactly heroic rather otherwise. Did you not help Safia because she is very bright at mathematics and could be a valuable friend (read free tutor) in future? The old guy at the main gate that you are so polite with, is that without any reason, just out of your good nature, or because when the time comes he would not tell your teachers about your, abysmal punctuality. Oh! And I almost forgot about that benign and exuberant literature teacher, that you're so fond of praising (to her face). But among your friends you attribute to her all the horrendous qualities imaginable; you know fully well that she will never believe anyone who badmouths you, because you have always been in her good books (thanks to your honey tongued flattery). And the list goes on and on but you get tired of this single tracked analysis and think about the next profundity.
The subsequent query is about what is to be done with your future? The possibilities are endless. First of all you have to look at the real purpose of life, than you have to decide accordingly about your future undertakings. Is not life about being resolutely pious and to lead a life on the toes of moral and religious principles? So now, all you have to do is to find a profession that fits into these prescribed rules. You think about all the options one by one and to your great surprise and discomfort find out that everything (nowadays) requires something a little untoward or another to be done by the aspirant. None of these in the end pass your ultra philosophic test. If a profession passes the moral test it fails on some subtle intellectual point. After having troubled yourself with these mind-boggling intricacies; you wonder whether the lives of the rich and idle were not the best. And who the devil thought about abolishing the feudal system (oops! Is it still there? Sorry guys forgot no hard feelings uh!)... Not so fast because your mind reminds you that the life of sloth is forbidden. Hence this reverie leads you to a dead end and you drop it, for the time being, that is what you always say.
So... now what? Nothing, because it is time for you, to come out of your intellectual world and, do something about that essay that your favourite teacher (the same benign one) gave. This is exactly how all these ponderings end, inevitably.
Moral of this insight: do not try to be a modern day Hamlet, do your best conscientiously and as well as your mortal self allows and leave all the inferences to be drawn by the One Who knows the best.